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Who do you want to contact?
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Editor in Chief - Brian is the proprietor of Glossy News, founded on the principal that all authors should have access to quality publishing, and all readers should be forced to read it. Having published eight comedy plays, a 13 piece cable sitcom and three screenplays, he earned several writing awards and honors. Combining the knack for making drunkards laugh with University of Washington creative writing education, Glossy News came to life all up on your ass. Dig that, but definitely dig this |
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Associate Editor/Staff Writer - The chimpanzees that adopted him when he was 10 kept an old typewriter around the cave, and he started to randomly peck keys. After 5 years of this, the drivel began to resemble English words, and after a few years, complete ideas. Having been kicked out by the monkeys for hoarding the banana supply, he integrated back into human society, eventually learning proper hygiene and etiquette. He decided to use his knack for writing as a source of income, by designing cardboards for illiterate panhandlers. He worked his way up to writing copy for feminine hygiene commercials. |
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Staff Writer - Born in W. Virginia, on March 18, 1922, to a coal mining family, Rudager P. Marshall quickly grew tired of listening to his father complain about aristocrats throwing cigarette filters and lit fireworks down the mine shafts while he labored.Rudy traveled across the nation, working many simple jobs, dreaming of one day producing a newspaper full of opinion pieces. He wrote a book, 1002 Puns, Jokes, and Boners, but it was soon found that it only contained a total of 993 puns and jokes, and zero boners. As he entered his twilight years, he began work on construction of The Rail, a paper with the most ideological biases of any news source in the history of the world. Whether it be the wit of the oligarchy, the hilarity of communism, or the downright goofiness and tomfoolery of fascism, The Rail covers it. |
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Staff Writer - Jennifer is a recent college graduate who spends her time tending bar on the weekends and mooching off her parents during the week. She desrcibes herself as very spiritual, praying every night before she goes to sleep, "If I should die before I wake, dump my body in a lake." Asked to desrcibe herself in two sentences, she says, "I am the greatest creature on God's green earth. I'm also very modest." Urinal Era |
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Staff Writer - Age: 23, Marital Status: Single (I can't legally get married in this state.) Zodiac: Libra. Hobbies: Spreading the word of Jesus, Praising Jesus, Thanking Jesus, Loving Jesus, Begging Jesus for forgiveness, Hanging out with Jesus and Bitch Slap'n Ho's. Turn Ons: Random acts of kindness and Rosie O'Donnell's inoffensive comic stylings. Turn Offs: Evil. Goals in Life:1)To overthrow Fidel Castro and bring peace and prosperity to the people of Cuba and help to eradicate the terror of communism. 2)To touch one of Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts. Preferably the left one. Don't forget, titties RULE! www.bisentertainment.com. |
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Staff Writer: Warren Leming is a writer/critic who divides his time between Chicago and Berlin, Germany. Much of his time is spent launching the finest news (be it accurate or not-so) available in audio format. Many readers are illiterate, including many who are reading this right now. More articles as well as his audio work can be found at dummy down and cold chicago company. |
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Staff Writer - Adam is a financial reporter/news editor for dow jones. It's a financial thing, perhaps you've heard about it. He's been away in London for training but has returned with a renewed vigor for bringing us the truth, both here and through his site at Business Twaddle. |
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Staff Writer - After having studied long and diligently for many years, the much coveted title of Doctorate of Sleaze has been earned. Though much of his doctoral dissertation involved his poignant commentary on world happenings, he has never lost the steadfast resolve to spread the word of truth, even if it is littered with witticisms, Britishism, half-truths and mis-truths. Find more of his good word at Doc Sleaze. |
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Staff Writer - Known as Dirty Steve or Harpo by his fellow squirrels, Todd is a self described 29 & 1/2 year old Frosted Mini Wheat who on one side is a twisted barking Armenian Muppet and on the other side poses as a consultant/accountant. Lebanese and Polish descent have given him a look that only a mother or radio could love. He enjoys, mud baths, shakin' his tail, Hoosier basketball, traveling, & stale Triscuits. His main goal in life is to make love to a woman with an eye patch. Harpo is a party promoter (Chicago, Indy, & NYC) for Shake Chicago, a comedy writer, stand up performer & student in Second City Comedy Club's improvisational program. |
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Contributing Writer - Mostly reclusive, he plays all kinds of games, with the world, with people, but especially with his telephone. This is not winter gear, this is how he dresses daily. We found him working as a boisterous, drunk and handsomely paid alter boy... dressed like this of course. Yes, he really does smolder. He wishes no email, he wishes no web site. He only begs we leave him alone, but on that account, we can be of no help. We love you J-Dawg. |
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Contributing Writer - Big, mean, scary and a lady-killer (formal trial pending). Jon splits his time between plotting to conquer the world, plotting to conquer the galaxy and sneering at playa-haters. When he's not contributing to Glossy News or being hit on by underage girls, he's busy using his powers for good instead of evil making people laugh who have no reason to live, and laugh they do. Oh my indeed. I took that picture myself by the way, when we went to Shanghai. Sweet no? |
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Contributing Writer - Jason Love escaped the United States some years back in a hot air balloon in the dead of night. After laying low for a while he emerged in London and has been writing his columns and cartoons from there ever since. He's funny, not just funny looking. |
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Contributing Writer - Founder, creator, sole writer of the Witnews Humor Weekly - the world's only monologue-style weekly news satire ezine (pictured here self-medicating). A former student of improv and stand-up comedy, having an extremely short attention span (possibly the result of an accident involving a photocopier or having worked in a government bureaucracy). He spends most of his free time creating short, often strange, humorous quips or witticisms plus occasional rants about events in the news or life in general. |
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P.R. Mistress - Public Relations are currently handled by the very well qualified Jessica, who works freelance in Public Relations and event coordination.She has been instrumentally helpful to our launch in terms of designing and implementing press releases, media kits and image consulting. If you would like to contact her for her resume or to get assistance on your event or media project, please do so. |
